Today is Amazon Prime Day, the day each year that we take time to feed the e-commerce gods in hopes Jeff Bezos will reward us by not blotting out the sun.

In Pittsburgh, the sun is mostly blotted out already — so we’re probably good. But if you’re not actively boycotting Amazon’s plan to colonize the city, you might be looking for a deal on, say, a television that’s too big for your living room or an Alexa to speak Pittsburghese to.

Alternatively, you might be a proponent of HQ2 coming here and, assuming Bezos personally scans every Amazon order for copies of his biography, you might be eager to show him that your Pittsburgh pride knows no bounds and no particular price point.

More likely, you just can’t get enough Pittsburgh esoterica and kitsch to feed your cravings at the usual brick and mortars. If so, we’ve got you covered with our list of useless charming Pittsburgh items for sale on Amazon this Prime Day.

Happy hunting, and praise be to Bezos.

Peduto’s a card 

Mayor Bill Peduto has his own baseball card, for some reason, and it’s on sale for $1. Hurry, only one left in stock.

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Bonus: You can also purchase Season Six of CBS’s “Undercover Boss” featuring Mayor Peduto during his Duck Dynasty phase.

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Jeff Goldblum Day

Life … uh… finds a way.

This copy of Jeff Goldblum’s Oscar winning, critically acclaimed 2006 film “Pittsburgh” is available here for the ungodly price of $34.94. Goldblum is a Pittsburgh-area native and the inspiration behind one of Pittsburgh’s high holy days.

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An actual parking chair

Wishlist this thing right now.

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You could also go this less literal route.

Not bold enough? 

Try a parking table, which also doubles as a cookie table or just a table table.

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Jag-off hand sanitizer

Sure.

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The bad driver’s handbook

Worst drivers ranked

10. u can’t

9. rank

8. them

7. because

6. analytics

5. can

4. sometimes

3. be

2. flawed

1. Pittsburgh

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Got your goose 

Carry this handy goose-repellant device with you on the North Shore riverwalk for uninterrupted strolling.

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Chipped Ham Sam

Don’t know who this man is but I want to.

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Nebbie Debbie

Because every Chipped Ham Sam needs a Queen to hold him down. Or you might want to boycott this because, as everybody knows, it’s N-E-B-B-Y.

https://www.amazon.com/Nebbie-Debbie-Talkin-Townies-Pittsburghese/dp/B005TUKZB0

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Pittsburgh monopoly

In case your board game nights don’t include enough arguing about real-life gentrification in Pittsburgh.

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Pierogi pillow

Because dreams do come true.

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Bridge phobia

If you live in Pittsburgh with a bridge phobia, stay strong, and, my God, why? But maybe this audiobook will help.

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Weird Paul

Vlogger and musician Weird Paul is from Pittsburgh. He’s also got a CD on sale for $89 on Amazon, so you know it’s good.

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Steel City

Any yinzer can wear their Pittsburgh pride on their sleeve. Only a true yinzer conceals it in the walls.

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Your own Warhol

Your collection starts here for $19.99.

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