8 places in Pittsburgh to (safely and humanely) channel your rage

Physically express your ceaseless internal scream.

Punch it out.

Punch it out.

Courtesy of Elevate Fusion Fitness

Are you pissed? Looking for a way to channel burning rage?

Luckily, Pittsburgh is full of places where you can safely and humanely do just that — by which we mean physically express the ceaseless internal scream you’re currently experiencing.

Because in times like these, self care is the only care that truly matters. And destroying an inanimate object may be exactly what the doctor ordered. “But what did that object ever do to me?” you ask. The answer is nothing. But it also doesn’t have to carry the psychic burden that comes with being a sentient creature in 2018 — so, if you ask us, it’s getting off easy.

So here are eight freakout forums around Pittsburgh for those in need. Back away from Facebook, log off Twitter, close your news apps, and let it all out.

Punch it out

If you’re feeling like it’s a combat sport kind of a day, Pittsburgh has a number of options, including a boxing class taught by Who’s Nexter Jordan Rose at Elevate Fusion Fitness in Lawrenceville. You can channel some aggression and work on your muscle tone — win, win.

Throw an axe

One local axe-throwing expert describes the sport like this: “It feels so good whenever you sink that blade into the wood. You feel awesome and (it’s) totally empowering.” If that’s exactly what you need right now, here are seven axe-throwing venues around the area.

Shatter some shit

Go full-on “Office Space” at Break Room in North Huntingdon, which describes itself as “a smashing good time.” This “therapeutic demolition” venue will provide your breakables, tools, and safety gear. You bring the fury of thousand suns. Feel free to pretend you’re smashing the patriarchy.

Break a board

Learn the traditional martial art of Tang Soo Do from instructors with black belts at C. S. Kim Karate, which has multiple locations around the Pittsburgh area. If you study really hard, you might even be able to do this.

Just keep running

Running while angry might just help you achieve that PR you’ve been working on. For a little extra motivation and to meet some new friends, check out one of Pittsburgh’s many running groups, such as Black Girls Run or Pittsburgh Frontrunners.

Flip a dang tire

Chucking a tire sounds really good right about now. Sure, it might seem heavy, but you’ve already carried the weight of 2018, so you can do this! And if you try it out and really love CrossFit, that’s great, but please don’t post about it constantly on social media. Here’s a full round-up of where to find all of the area’s CrossFit gyms.

Backswing at all hours

At Top Golf in Bridgeville, hit micro-chipped golf balls at giant targets and collect points the closer you come to the bullseye. Both soothe your fury and stoke it anew. Plus, Top Golf is open late, so you can get your “I-swear-to-god-I’m-going-to-scream-if-I-read-one-more-tweet” feelings out no matter the hour.

Indulge in the crack of a baseball bat

Take bat, hit ball, repeat endlessly. Just try not to break the bat. The Green Tree Sportsplex offers two 30-foot tunnels for baseball and softball hitting practice.

Batting cage